Environment

From the passive speech of the victim to the one who takes charge without letting complaints imprison them.

In this time of upheaval, pandemics, wars, political, religious, racial, gender, or social status polarization, it is practically impossible not to feel overwhelmed by all kinds of information filled with tension and heated emotions. Almost without intending to, just by looking at or reading an article, watching a news story, or scrolling through clips and videos on the internet, one already forms an opinion without intending to. If we stop thinking about it, opinions are handed to us, and we make them our own without noticing or wanting to because they come to us with emotions that seduce and condition us. From those opinions, based on feelings we don't delve into, we easily fall into complaints, criticism, judgment, and categorization of others, whoever they may be, according to the circumstance.

Complaints spread easily, extend, and expand like wildfires depending on the winds blowing our way. Complaints then begin to generate helplessness, anger, and frustration against what “obviously is and shouldn't be” and how “others are acting.” Immediately follows the step of claiming rights, what I believe is mine, what others don't give me, or worse, what they are taking from me. When we are in that attitude, we rarely stop to think about "what can I do," what part is my responsibility, or when I am acting like "the others" in the eyes of others. Complaints always leave me waiting for someone else to do, someone else to act, someone else to resolve, and I have the power to make changes. Complaints, simply for the sake of complaining, weaken and steal the claimed power. What happens in the world and society permeates the work environment, offices, workshops, factories, and schools, and we start replicating behaviors that polarize us and make us quick to complain and criticize in our work, family, and neighborhood.

How often do I engage in criticism, complaint, and accusation? In which environments do I use this passive and victimizing language? Maybe at home, or is it more frequent at work?

Have I ever tried making a small mark on paper every time I complain and accuse others or circumstances for what happens or what happens to me? How many marks do I have at the end of each day or each week? Do I feel frustrated when I complain?

Suppose empty complaints generate frustration, anxiety, and the urge to defend myself or retreat to a safe, remote place. Does it leave me any solution options that depend on me and allow me to start actively acting, thinking, and talking about things I can do?

I have a very successful professional friend, a highly recognized medical researcher who one day started feeling fatigued. She couldn't walk fast, much less run. Then, she couldn't do basic things at home, neither the laundry nor washing the dishes, and she started getting fatigued when talking, so she had to request temporary medical leave. When she had severe pain in her chest, jaw, and arm, she went to the emergency center thinking she was having a heart attack. To make a long story short, after many tests, they found nothing, and the cardiologist recommended seeing a psychiatrist. It turns out that many heart disease theories have been built around male pathologies, and many women with these disorders are underdiagnosed or prescribed anxiety and panic attack medications. There is gender bias in this, too! My friend felt abandoned by the science she had dedicated her life to and complained, finding it unfair that she didn't receive the same level of attention and tests a man would have had, simply because science wasn't based on studies done on women but on men. She is a victim of the circumstances and can complain about it! But what did she do? She decided to start studying the rare pathology she suffers from, which they finally found after much insistence on specialized tests, so rare that only five centers perform them in the United States. She then saw a cardiologist, a woman dedicated to heart diseases in women, and with her, she has started a path of treatment and rehabilitation, but even more, of research and advocacy to seek more research and depth in diagnosing and treating cardiovascular diseases in women.

My friend quickly changed the victim language, the passive language of complaint and criticism, for a language of action, creation, and movement towards a different reality that she didn't have to accept with resignation. In her, there was an initial transformation, an activation energy that moved her to research, ask, insist, and create a new reality. She started following a dynamic of change that will be greatly useful for many people, men, and women, suffering from similar diseases. The change she longed for started coming to her because she went out to seek it. She took the power that seemed to belong to someone else, unknown or nonexistent, and decided to change the reality. Today, when she describes what happens to her, she speaks with the certainty that she will overcome her illness and that with her, many more people will also overcome it, thanks to her confident way of speaking.

We all want to change things in our environment, from the most minor and most straightforward, like making changes at home or eating healthier, to the most significant and most relevant that would impact humanity. The point is, how do I approach those changes I want to see? From what angle do I look at the situation? Perhaps as a victim who can do nothing, or perhaps from the perspective of a creator and master of a solution, even if it's small and irrelevant? The first point is to know the situation, and right there, in that exact moment of recognition, lies the decision (or lack of decision) to change the situation. Which do you choose?